We arrive early to collect some anti sickness medication and then head to Maggie’s to kill some time. (Maggie’s is an amazing support centre for cancer patients based at Nottingham City.) It’s our first time and I feel awkward as the friendly volunteer ushers us in. It’s busy, so many people in the same boat….
Recovery and Results
They told me I wasn’t allowed to lift anything for 6 weeks. No exercise, no housework, no cooking and definitely no riding your bike. You might be able to walk but you’ll walk to the end of the garden and feel as if you’ve run a marathon. And don’t whatever you do use that right…
The Big Op
We arrive in the dark, wheelie case in tow, and fail to find the right entrance. We find ourselves at the locked door to the operating theatre, and I realise I don’t even know where I’m supposed to go. Pulling my hand luggage sized case after me, I allow myself to fantasise that we are…
Running into the Storm
I’ve never been good at being ill. I don’t like the sense of helplessness or feeling like a burden on others. I don’t like lying around in bed feeling rubbish and not being able to go outside. I get bored easily and am prone to grumpiness. When I first got my diagnosis, the idea of…
Health anxiety, strength and important decisions
Some days are harder than others. No longer at work, I feel as if I have been awarded a new job that nobody wanted. The duties consist of attempting to find out everything there is to know about breast cancer and staying alive; avoiding the terrifying pitfalls of internet cancer forums with their tales of…
The Betrayal – dealing with a breast cancer diagnosis
We sit in the waiting room and I can tell the sound of the pop anthems blasting out incongruously from the incorrectly placed speakers is doing my husband’s head right in. “This is so inappropriate” he exclaims as the minutes pass interminably slowly. I am on high alert, watching the nurses come and go and…
When Great Trees Fall
You knew I think, in that funny way that we both sometimes know things. I left work early, it couldn’t wait. It meant that we had one last meal together before it began. You ate fish and chips with your fingers and I teased you gently as I always did. I heard the phone ring…
The End of the World as We Know It
I’m good in a crisis. I’ve had enough of my own and I’m paid to help others manage theirs. I’m good in a crisis. I know what you’re supposed to do. Tipped off by a friend who saw it coming, I start to read about it and can just about make out the white of…
The Healing Power of #MeToo
Shame is one of the most powerful human emotions we can experience. All emotions have their roots in evolution which means they have to serve some sort of useful biological purpose. Shame is all about making sure that we don’t get outcast by the group. It whispers in our ear that we are dirty, unlovable,…
Lessons from Russia: Why We Can’t Trust Men to Protect Women’s Rights
The 90s were a time of unbridled optimism. Fukuyama was so certain of the victory of Western liberal democracy that he excitedly declared that were witnessing the ‘End of History’, leaving us all to sit back smugly on our laurels, put our enlightened feet up and carry on reading the Guardian in the knowledge that all…
Donald Trump is my father (and if you grew up with a narcissist, he’s your father too)
I’ve been struggling to find the words to write how I’m feeling recently. I know I should be engaging with the recent worrying events in the world but I have found myself avoiding the news, turning off the radio and trying not to click on the numerous stories about Donald Trump dominating my Facebook feed….
Breaking the Cycle: the challenges of parenting after an abusive childhood
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!!” I scream at the top of my lungs. “FOR GOD’S SAKE – YOU COULD HAVE PUT YOUR HEAD THROUGH THAT GLASS!!!” I’m getting into my stride now and the shouting feels cathartic as I continue to berate my eldest child who has just fallen over, narrowly missing a glass cabinet in…
Woman As Subject 